Thursday, May 5, 2011

Trust

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe


When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

It has been a quite eventful past couple of weeks, to put it midly. Honestly, I feel as if I've been existing in an alternate reality. My father was recently diagnosed with cancer. He had a malignant brain tumor (which was removed exactly one week ago) and cancer in his lungs. He faces three weeks of radiation therapy for his brain and, after that, Chemotherapy for his lungs. Needless to say, this is a scary time for him. I would do anything to ease his pain and take this disease from him. Yet my strong Daddy is handling this in his predictable "one day at a time",easygoing manner, despite the worries that plague him. If it were me, I would be angry, defiant and depressed. Yet God has and continues to give him grace for each moment. The outpouring of love and support for him has been overwhelming to see.
      The above lyrics pretty much say it all for me. These days trite words simply don't "cut" it.  I feel like a little kid...this hurts and I don't like it, so get ready for my fit. It is unfair of God to let this happen to my Daddy and our family. Yes, I know He has a plan and will work it for good, etc....but sometimes I simply don't care. It comes down to the choice which Adam and Eve had to make. Do I trust God?
   Do I believe His plan is best? Do I believe that He loves Daddy more than I ever could? Do I believe He is good and loving regardless of the answer He gives?
   I don't know. Some days I do, some days I don't. Sometimes I feel his love like a warm hug. Sometimes I know it so strongly that there is not room for doubt in my mind. The next minute I wonder if He even cares.
I know my doubt breaks His heart. I know He loves us. I know His plan is beyond this world, and our lives lived here. I know in the end, He wins. He has final victory. I know, but I don't feel.
    "Lord I believe; help my unbelief".

No comments:

Post a Comment