You know those people who absolutely cannot say a simple "I'm sorry" ? As if to say the words, they would be conceding that they were *gasp* wrong! Heaven forbid! To prserve their image they would rather hurt and alienate those around them rather than humbly admitting a wrong and seeking forgiveness. Ironically, their "image" would be much better if they would merely admit they aren't perfect.
It hurts, doggone it. I'm tired of opening up about struggles and hurts (however "silly" they are), and have them thrown back in my face and feeling like dirt that I even dared to communicate I was anything but happy.I'm tired of walking on eggshells. Tired of feeling like half an adult and half a child. Tired of selfish people that endlessly hurt, manipulate and beat down those around them because of a sick need for control. I'm tired of that need for control scarily creeping up in my own life. Tired of the perfectionism. Tired of a mind that never sleeps.Tired of having to try so dang hard and getting no return for the effort. Tired of no one understanding. Tired of retreating yet too tired to come out of a shell. Tired of feeling strange, out of place and unloved. Does unconditional (human) love even exist? I wonder....
If this post needs a definition, I will officially define it. It's a complaint. Tonight i don't feel like being eloquent, spiritual or very nice at all. I feel like cussing, crying and curling up with a big tub of ice cream. Am i being overdramatic? Most assuredly. As i write this I am sitting with a calm, pleasant look on my face saying the right things and nodding at the right moments. Am I too sensitive? Probably. This day is nothing compared to the tragedy in Japan and the hurt and pain so very prevalent in the world. It has actually been a fairly pleasant day in some respects (And that makes me feel like even more of an ass. It IS all about me, you know ;) Am I hopeless? No. Just hurting and having "one of those days".The sun will come out tomorrow, Charlie Brown. I'll be fine. I'm not going off the deep end.
So sorry for the complaints and "emo" attitude tonight. But what is a blog for?
I hurt with you...and for you. You deserve much better. God knows your need, and your pain. HE will fill the gap and heal your heart. I love you my sweet Sarah. It WILL be OK....one of these days...HE said so....
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